Jordan.

Why is it that I never want to believe when good things are happening to me. It’s like something good pokes it’s head out, and I start to not even trust it, like I feel like If I get my hopes up I’ll just be disappointed. Idk so much crap has happened in the past, it’s fucked up my ability to have sound judgment.

There’s too much for me to be thinking about in the immediate future, can I just sleep all day please? Changes need to be made if I want my future to go the way it’s supposed to.

So my mom decided that she’d come home a week early.

Oh joy. Let me just say that it was easier to appreciate her from afar.

Just a quick commentary.

I’m not going to use any names, because I know ya’ll nosy asses like to talk.

You’ve always been one of my more athletic friends; however, when I recent pictures of you, via the facebook photo newsfeed. I couldn’t help but think your physique now is reminiscent of someone who is anorexic. I’ve also noticed that the past few times that we ate together, you didn’t really eat much. I’m tripping though, I highly doubt that you have an eating disorder. There are plenty of people who are naturally skinny, and don’t eat that much. I really do care about you though, so I hope that you’re alright and there are no problems with you / your body.

This is horrible. :(

Both my Mom and My Grandma aren’t doing so well, I can’t even bring myself to call down to South Carolina for more than 5 minutes because I tend to tear up and my voice breaks. I just need for something to give, because this on top of everything else that’s going on is killing me on the inside. I just have to stay positive, keep praying, and hopefully God will come through, because I truly believe that he doesn’t give people more than they can handle. Everything happens for a reason … right? *sigh*

Everything keeps playing in my head and I want to punch though this wall right now. FUCK

You know, being put into this position of power is really making my head hurt. Do I pursue this or do I just let it go? I mean even though in recent times this hasn’t been the best for me, my mind keeps going back to the person who in a sense saved me, but you said it yourself the last time we talked … “you’re not the same person.” I mean the last conversation we had was so unsettling that I feel like I HAVE to go back and clear things up and make things better; however on the other side, there’s the possible humiliation & embarrassment that may come when I try to do so (because lord knows you’ve put me though a whole lot of it before unintentional or not.) How do I even know that you putting this decision on me isn’t your way of making me look like the bad person if I go with what my heads saying and cut off all ties to you (because that seems like something you would do?) I just need something, anything to point me in the right direction, because simple words and reasoning aren’t helping me make up my mind on what I should do in this situation. I swear the struggle between my “rational” thoughts & “irrational” emotions will be the death of me. :/

I’ll probably just wait this decision out until after I get better. I hate being sick, I’ve over here dying! :(

Where I’m at mentally right now, really can’t be good.

God all I want to do is sleep for the rest of my life. -__-

The semester is ALMOST over thank god. Let me just make a list of remaining assignments and whatnot.

STEM 350

• Digital Photography Assignment (Turn in tomorrow)
• Screen Printing Assignment TOMORROW (Pack a plain T-Shirt tomorrow) and find a line art image before class.
• Website due April 25th
• Extra Credit Timeline due April 25th
• Final Exam Monday April 30th at 6pm.

• Spectrometry Lab (Turn In Tomorrow)
• Group Lab (LAST LAB) Tomorrow
• Reading assignment quiz THURSDAY 4/19
• Final Exam Thursday April 26th 8:30 AM

• Finish Up last two homework assignments Due April 28th
• Final Project due April 23rd
• Final Exam Friday April 27th at 3:45pm

• Web Assignment 4:2 due 4/20
• Web assignment 4:3 due 4/27
• Lab Assignment due 4/20
• Last two discussion board posts - Initial posts due Wednesdays (4/18 & 4/25) | Substantive posts due (4/20 & 4/27)
• Module 4 Article Review due Friday 4/27
• Module 4 Online Learning Review due Friday 4/27
• Final Project submitted in Live Text by Tuesday 5/1